Well the subtext of this blog is “glimpses from a pastor
’s journey” and so it’s only fair to live up to that title. I just got back from a retreat with my church and it was awesome. Check out this link to check out some of what people thought about it. I loved it, but it was a learning experience for me in a lot of ways. You see, I came on board with this church long after the retreat was already planned out and organized. So my role at the retreat was to pray occasionally and hang out with people. I was marginalized, and that’s ok. I have been preaching for years (months in this church) about wanting to bring equality to the church. And yet this retreat is really the first time I experienced it.
Sitting with everyone else as someone else spoke, helping serve communion instead of serving it myself, watching people choose to speak with others about spiritual matters before me, all of that was difficult to me on some level. I found out how much my ego is really tied into this church thing, and especially tied into being a pastor in the traditional sense. That needs to change.
’s journey” and so it’s only fair to live up to that title. I just got back from a retreat with my church and it was awesome. Check out this link to check out some of what people thought about it. I loved it, but it was a learning experience for me in a lot of ways. You see, I came on board with this church long after the retreat was already planned out and organized. So my role at the retreat was to pray occasionally and hang out with people. I was marginalized, and that’s ok. I have been preaching for years (months in this church) about wanting to bring equality to the church. And yet this retreat is really the first time I experienced it.Sitting with everyone else as someone else spoke, helping serve communion instead of serving it myself, watching people choose to speak with others about spiritual matters before me, all of that was difficult to me on some level. I found out how much my ego is really tied into this church thing, and especially tied into being a pastor in the traditional sense. That needs to change.
It’s really easy to “give up” power to people as long as it’s temporary, or as long as I can grab it right back from them whenever I want. But if I am trying to give away power to the people of God and not holding all the power myself, then I need to be willing to let it go for good. I can’t hold onto it just enough that I can retain my ego, and retain most of my power.
What I learned this retreat was about putting myself in positions where I can be intentionally marginalized. Not forced into it, but choosing to be on the sidelines, choosing to let others lead and others direct, and submitting to that direction myself. That’s when my ego wants to rebel and say “but I’m the pastor.”
My ego doesn’t want to be a servant, it doesn’t want to be marginalized, even if I have been asking for others to take over and lead. It wants power, and I have a million ways to rationalize it too, so that I can hold onto enough of my power to stay in control. That’s really the root fear, losing control. But I wonder if that really isn’t the goal of the Christian life, to give control of our lives to God and to be a servant, intentionally marginalized.
In America, Christians have been seeking as much power as we can get. We’re trying to get music, money, movies, politics (especially politics) and we’re doing everything we can to hold onto that power. But Christians don’t tend to do well with a lot of power. It tends to corrupt us. Perhaps that is why the Beatitudes in Luke concentrate so much on the poor, the powerless, the weak. They are teaching us that God’s way is not to horde power, but to give it away.
That goes against so much of my training, and my culture, that it makes me shudder. But if I have been preaching and teaching that we are all equal with God then I truly do need to be able to let go of power completely, not just let it out on a leash and a loan. And that means that I won’t be center stage, I won’t get the spotlight and the attention. That’s tougher on my ego than I’d like to admit, but it’s important.
I don’t think we can truly claim to be following Christ if we are hoarding our power and clutching our leadership around us. We need to divest ourselves of whatever power we gather, investing it in others and in giving it back to God. Jesus did not even consider the power that is equality with God important enough to clutch tightly, but took on the very nature of a servant. If Christ was willing to be powerless and marginalized to serve others, how can we not be willing to do the same?
What I learned this retreat was about putting myself in positions where I can be intentionally marginalized. Not forced into it, but choosing to be on the sidelines, choosing to let others lead and others direct, and submitting to that direction myself. That’s when my ego wants to rebel and say “but I’m the pastor.”
My ego doesn’t want to be a servant, it doesn’t want to be marginalized, even if I have been asking for others to take over and lead. It wants power, and I have a million ways to rationalize it too, so that I can hold onto enough of my power to stay in control. That’s really the root fear, losing control. But I wonder if that really isn’t the goal of the Christian life, to give control of our lives to God and to be a servant, intentionally marginalized.
In America, Christians have been seeking as much power as we can get. We’re trying to get music, money, movies, politics (especially politics) and we’re doing everything we can to hold onto that power. But Christians don’t tend to do well with a lot of power. It tends to corrupt us. Perhaps that is why the Beatitudes in Luke concentrate so much on the poor, the powerless, the weak. They are teaching us that God’s way is not to horde power, but to give it away.
That goes against so much of my training, and my culture, that it makes me shudder. But if I have been preaching and teaching that we are all equal with God then I truly do need to be able to let go of power completely, not just let it out on a leash and a loan. And that means that I won’t be center stage, I won’t get the spotlight and the attention. That’s tougher on my ego than I’d like to admit, but it’s important.
I don’t think we can truly claim to be following Christ if we are hoarding our power and clutching our leadership around us. We need to divest ourselves of whatever power we gather, investing it in others and in giving it back to God. Jesus did not even consider the power that is equality with God important enough to clutch tightly, but took on the very nature of a servant. If Christ was willing to be powerless and marginalized to serve others, how can we not be willing to do the same?
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